Why Do I Care What They Think?

How much of your life is influenced by someone else’s opinion of you?

It might be someone you respect, want to impress or it can even be someone you dislike. Yet you still want them to see that you are successful, happy, accomplished, and doing well.

We can spend an incredible amount of energy anticipating what someone else might think about our choices, appearance, or success.

We imagine the reaction, prepare for the judgment, and change what we do.

Meanwhile, the person we are worried about are thinking about their own choices, how they look, what they're doing, and maybe what someone else thinks of them.

How much of your life is influenced by what you believe someone else thinks of you?

Whose Opinion Are You Carrying Around?

There are opinions we seek because we respect the person giving them. Their judgment has value to us, and hearing their perspective can help us make a decision.

Approval is where things get interesting.

You may want someone to see you as successful, attractive, interesting, or accomplished. Even the opinion of someone you dislike can get into your head.

There is nothing unusual about wanting approval, but how much influence you are willing to give it.

If you would never ask this person for advice, why would you change a decision because you are worried about their opinion?

Are They Actually Judging You?

You might wonder what they will think if you wear something different, walk into a room alone, or try something new. And maybe they will have an opinion. But is their opinion really any of your business?

They can judge your decision, disagree with it, or talk about it. Their opinion belongs to them. Your decision still belongs to you.

How Much Authority Does Their Opinion Deserve?

There are people whose opinions you value. You respect their experience, trust their judgment, or want their perspective. That still doesn’t mean they get a vote.

When you find yourself hesitating because of what someone might think, ask yourself:

Would I make the same choice if nobody knew about it?

You can listen to someone’s opinion and decide for yourself how much influence it gets.

What Years of Working With People Have Shown Me

Walk into a yoga class for the first time and you might wonder: Will they notice I can’t touch my toes? What if I need to rest? What if everyone else is better at this?

Chances are, they’re thinking about themselves too.

Our instructors at West Door Yoga & Wellness understand that being new can feel intimidating. If that has kept you from trying yoga, visit our Beginner & Gentle Yoga page.

What Would You Choose If You Stopped Imagining an Audience?

This is the question worth sitting with.

What would you do if you weren’t worried about what someone else would think?

What would you try, change, leave, begin, or finally admit you wanted?

Some of the opinions influencing you may belong to someone you deeply respect. Others may belong to someone you barely like. Some may never have been expressed at all. There is another side to this conversation: allowing someone else to have their own opinions without making them ours to fix or control. I wrote about that in Can We Allow People to Have Their Suffering?.

What would you do differently if you stopped wondering what everyone else might think?

Nobody Cares That Much About What You Are Doing Anyway

This may be one of the more freeing things that comes with life experience.

The person you are trying to impress is thinking about their own life, their own choices, and what others think of them.

You could spend years worrying about someone’s opinion of you and never actually know what it is. They may approve. They may judge you. They may not care at all.

And here is the kicker: what they think of you is none of your business.

Let that sit with you for a moment.

So the next time you catch yourself asking, “What are they going to think?” ask the question that deserves your attention:

“What do I think?”

Dee Morrow is the co-founder of West Door Yoga & Wellness in Bay Shore, NY. A registered nurse with 35 years of experience, 500-hour yoga teacher, Reiki Master, certified hypnosis practitioner, and life coach, Dee brings decades of working with people into conversations about wellness, personal growth, and how we navigate the very human parts of life.