Why Is It So Hard to Make New Friends as an Adult?
You want to meet new people. You know you should probably get out more. Then someone suggests joining a group or going to an event, and suddenly staying home sounds pretty good.
There is also the question nobody really answers:
Where exactly are you supposed to go?
You can certainly walk into a room full of people. That doesn't mean you will want any of them in your life.
I started thinking about this years ago when my kids got older and I had more freedom to decide what I wanted to do with my time. I realized that some of the conversations I had been having for years felt boring and stuck.
I wanted different conversations.
I Wanted to Know What Came Next
I wanted to talk about real life and real ideas. Who am I now? What is my purpose? Where am I going next? How can I contribute? What makes me tick?
Yoga and philosophy gave me places to explore those questions.
Through studying, teaching and taking classes, I started meeting teachers and students who were interested in many of the same things.
I liked being around these people. I was interested in what they were thinking about. Our conversations went places I wanted to go.
Eventually, I opened a yoga studio.
Part of the reason was very personal. I wanted to be around like-minded people.
That has influenced how we built West Door. I wanted people to have opportunities to keep crossing paths, taking classes, learning and talking to each other. So we provided it.
Then I Started Seeing the Pattern
For years, life did a lot of the social arranging for us.
Having kids put me around other parents. Working put me around coworkers. We didn't have to think very hard about where to meet people because we repeatedly saw the people connected to whatever role we were living at the time.
Then the roles changed.
That can leave you standing in a strange place. You want people in your life, but you have no idea where to find the ones you actually want to know.
I hear versions of this from women at the studio, there is a lot of talk about wanting something for yourself during this part of life.
The difficult question is figuring out what that something is.
So Start Here: What Gets Your Juices Flowing?
This is where I would begin before signing up for anything.
Ask yourself:
Am I cerebral and drawn to ideas?
Do I love making things with my hands?
Do I feel good near the ocean or touching the trees?
Do I want to be on the go?
Do I crave stillness?
What could I learn about for hours?
What makes me curious enough to leave the house?
Go deeper than walking, reading or watching television. Think about what gets your juices flowing in the most basic way.
Because now you have somewhere to go.
If you are fascinated by ideas, find the lecture or philosophy class. If you need to create, find the pottery studio or knitting group. If you want to explore something inward, take the yoga class, learn Reiki or try a small retreat.
You have started narrowing the room.
Give Yourself One Place to Start
You don't need a new social circle by next Saturday. Pick one thing that genuinely interests you and follow it.
Go once. Pay attention to the room. Notice the conversations. Notice who interests you. Then decide whether you want to go back.
That is how I found people I wanted in my life, and eventually it is part of why I created West Door.
If yoga, wellness, workshops and retreats are things you are curious about, you can explore classes, events and ways to join us.
Figure out what gets your juices flowing. Then go see who else is interested in the same thing.
About Dee Morrow
Dee Morrow is the co-founder of West Door Yoga & Wellness in Bay Shore, New York. After a 35-year nursing career, including critical care nursing, she became a 500-hour certified yoga teacher, Reiki Master, hypnosis practitioner and life and wellness coach. Through West Door, Dee teaches yoga and leads workshops, events and retreats centered around the questions that tend to come up when life gives us room to ask, What do I want now?
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